Another Year ofGay Hookup Culture

Benji Lovari examines the results of two recent surveys that were designed to learn more about the ways in which gay men use hookup and dating apps.

How are today’s gay men finding sex? In 2016, hookup apps continue to dominate as an easy, ever-present option. However, there are definitely some negative and dysfunctional aspects of gay hookup culture. Surveys have been done to learn more about the ways in which gay men use hookup and dating apps, and this month we’ll take a look at some of the more interesting results.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Squirt.org created a pair of fun infographics showcasing the most popular terms used in usernames by both Americans and Canadians. “Gay”, “Boy”, “Horny”, and “Bottom” are apparently popular in both countries. “Top” is  a leading term, too – but it’s noticeably less common than “Bottom.” Not that this should surprise anyone. One of the notable differences between the U.S. and Canada was that “Bi” was one of the most popular terms in Canada, but not in the U.S. Interesting…

Click image for larger version.

Click image for larger version.

HOOKING UP, BY THE NUMBERS
Last year GrabHim.net did a survey of close to 4,000 gay men aged 18-65 in order to learn more about how they were using hookup and dating apps, and to learn their views on a number of related topics. The survey was disseminated through Facebook and some of the results were surprising. Human beings tend to be creatures of habit, so we can probably expect these same trends to continue throughout 2016.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND INCHES
In case you hadn’t noticed, dick pics are fast on their way to becoming the lingua franca of gay hookup culture. Some of us are still suckers for a cute face, but we appear to be the outliers. The survey found that 83% of men regularly send dick pics as part of their mobile hookup mating dance. Someone should write a book about the art of dick photography, because it would probably be a bestseller. Once you send a dick pic to someone, there’s no way to stop them from sending it to others or from uploading it to the Internet. So if you’re okay with your dick becoming a minor Internet celebrity, by all means continue sending dick pics.

HOOKING UP CAN BE TOUGHER WHEN YOU’RE HIV+
Survey takers were presented with this question. Assuming you were HIV-, how likely would you be to initiate contact or to respond favorably to an attractive guy whose profile said that he was HIV+? 57% of respondents said it was unlikely. Is this evidence of discrimination? It is, but the entire hookup scene is discriminatory by nature. Some guys will just as readily axe you from their “to do” list if you’re not blond, don’t work out, or aren’t white. The difference is that aesthetic preferences are often just the result of life experiences and who we grew up with. In contrast, a compulsive avoidance of HIV+ people is based on unfounded fears and ignorance.

HOW UP FRONT ARE GAY MEN ABOUT BEING HIV+?
90% of the respondents who were HIV+ said that they always disclose their HIV status before having sex with a new partner. However, the remaining 10% don’t – which means you should always wear a condom unless you enjoy playing Russian roulette. If you think you have the ability to discern whether people are lying or telling the truth, don’t kid yourself. Always put your own safety first. Taking Truvada? Great. But Truvada is not meant to be a replacement for condoms. It’s meant to be used in conjunction with condoms.

THE NUMBERS GAME
Some hookup apps make it easy to judge people based on their physical specs before you’ve even seen their photos. But don’t rely too heavily on vital stats, because 31% of respondents admitted to lying about their age, height, or weight. Studies on the behavior of straight hookup app users came up with a similar result. If you want to be sure about who you’re dealing with, ask them to write a word of your choice on a piece of paper and to take a photo of themselves holding it up. You can then offer to do the same. If they are using a phone that is capable of running apps, their phone will also have a camera.

REJECTION RATES
Congratulations if you’ve made it through round one of the gay hookup game. But once you’ve arranged to meet someone, you’ll still need to pass a personal inspection. How many guys who meet in person actually go on to have a date (or a roll in the hay?) Just 45%. So you might want to have a backup plan. The 55% rejection rate may be partially due to guys lying and misrepresenting themselves, but some of it is simply a matter of chemistry. On the flip side, don’t ever feel pressured into hooking up with someone who has misrepresented themselves or who gives you a bad vibe. It’s just not worth it.

WHERE DO GAY GUYS HOOK UP?
50% of respondents said that they had met up with guys from hookup apps at their own homes. Since more than half of all hookups derail, you’d be much better off (and a lot safer) meeting your tricks at a public location such as a coffee shop. Once you let someone into your home, it’s much easier for things to get ugly if you have to turn them down.

FACE FACTS
Would you meet someone without seeing their face first? To us, that sounds scary – but 30% of respondents said face pics were not obligatory before meeting someone. If a guy is that much on the downlow, he should be cruising in person or else hiring escorts rather than using an app. So there’s no good excuse for not sending a face pic. If you don’t care about their face, that’s your own business. But if you do care, don’t ever settle.

THE ODDS OF GETTING LUCKY
71% of respondents reported  that meeting someone via a dating app had led to a sexual relationship of some kind at least once (which could mean a date, a hookup, a boyfriend, or a friend with benefits.) Those odds sound pretty good until you consider the fact that only about half of all in-person meetings lead to sex. Still, there are always more fish in the sea. If you cast a wide enough net and you do so consistently, you are bound to reel in a good catch from time to time.