Love³: Gay Polyamory Is Now Officially A Thing

Altaria Rampardos does her best to wrap her innocent mind around gay hipsterdom’s latest fad: gay polyamory

Marriage equality is finally giving gay and lesbian couples access to one of our country’s most cherished institutions. That said, it’s important to remember that marriage is not the only way to have a successful, committed, long-term relationship. In recent years, we’ve seen a growing interest in gay polyamory (romantic relationships that involve more than two partners.) In fact, one could argue that gay polyamorous relationships (aka triads, threeway relationships, or throuples) have started to become almost an underground fad. This month we’ll look at why more gay people are talking about gay triads and then check out some online polyamory resources.

When you look at divorce rates around the world, it quickly becomes clear that traditional marriage has some problems. For starters, marriages can often lead to an unhealthy level of codependence. In addition, sexual monotony can contribute to infidelity, and partners in a traditional marriage often complain about losing touch with their individuality. As it turns out, these particular issues can often be nicely mediated by a third partner – and threeway relationships can have other benefits as well. If pooling two incomes makes life easier, pooling three incomes can be even more useful. Also, since it’s rare to have three completely divergent opinions about any issue, there is almost always someone to mediate and diffuse any disagreements. With three people available, it is also much more likely that each member of a throuple will have their emotional and sexual needs met.

A table with only two legs is destined to be wobbly and unstable. But add a third leg, and the same table becomes much stronger. In a similar fashion, two-party relationships are often built on an inherently wobbly foundation. When it works, adding a third person can help to stabilize a relationship and make it more capable of withstanding stress. Polyamorous relationships, whether gay or straight, can also provide a strong sense of family.

One of the reasons for gay polyamory’s rising popularity is the fact that some role models have finally begun to emerge. One of the most talked about triads during the past year was the relationship between Jake Jaxson, Benny Morecock, and Adrian – the three men behind the popular CockyBoys website. You can check out a great article about them in New York Mag. Polyamory has also become a part of mainstream pop culture thanks to TV shows like TLC’s Sister Wives and HBO’s Big Love.

As more gay men have begun thinking of polyamory as a viable option, there have also been more articles, blog posts, and videos emerging about it. In 2009, Cayle Pietras garnered a lot of press for his short film Throuple documenting a gay threeway relationship in New York City. That particular throuple is no longer together, but the video is still very interesting. More recently, Nilo Tabrizy and Suvro Banergy released a short documentary called Gay Polyamorous Relationships in New York City. In 2012, Queering the Mind posted an article called How to Have Your Cake and Eat it Too: 5 Things That Make Polyamorous Relationships Work. The Daily Globe also posted an interesting op-ed called Is Polyamory The New Gay Marriage? I Hope So and Psychology Today posted an article called The Truth About Polyamory.

If you’d like to learn more about gay polyamorous relationships, check out Polyamorous NYC, an organization that has spent the last ten years working to nurture a prosperous LGBT polyamorous community in New York City. At MoreThanTwo.com you’ll find a wealth of information about polyamory that applies to people of any persuasion. For a glimpse into the day-to-day life of a man in a gay triad relationship, check out the Gay Polyamory Blog. In addition, there’s a thread about gay polyamory at Real Jock containing links to more good resources. On Google+, there’s a Gay Trinogamy Community you can join, too – and at Tribe.net there’s a Gay Men Triads USA group  where you can meet people who are either in a triad relationship or who are looking to join one.