The Top Ten Places to Get Laid

     After sequestering a small group of admitted ho’s our dearest friends for an informal, semi-anonymous poll, we compiled this list of the Top Ten Places To Get Laid. Each of these locales has the potential to become an unforgettable experience. Especially if you get caught and then thrown in jail for indecency.

1) AT A CONTRUCTION SITE – Forget about the debris, the rebar, and the fiberglass insulation. Instead, focus on getting nailed in what will soon be some stranger’s living room!

2) ON A POOL TABLE – You’ll never again look at an eight ball slamming into a corner pocket in the same way.

3) IN A LIBRARY – Sex in complete silence isn’t as easy as it might sound. But even The Foolish Virgin will sigh at the uncontrollable moan you’ll utter as your Moby Dick is taken to Wuthering Heights. (Thomas Dixon, Herman Melville, and Emily Brontë, respectfully.)

4) IN A CAR DURING RUSH HOUR – You’ll have to go into stealth mode to avoid detection (and collisions) but we can’t think of a better way to diffuse the misery of a commute on the 101 Freeway.

5) IN AN ELEVATOR – Whether you choose the elevator of a skyscraper, a department store, or your apartment complex, it’s hard to beat the rush you’ll experience as you try to get off before you get off.

6) CHILDHOOD ROOM (YOURS OR HIS) – Nothing feels stranger than doing it in the bed you grew up in, especially if the ‘rents are in the next room.

7) ON YOUR OFFICE DESK – Whether you do it after hours or while everyone’s out to lunch, it’s one of the best ways to make your work into play. So much depends upon a red sharpener made to buzz softly between the white ass cheeks.

8) IN A HAMMOCK – Sounds simple, right? But you try staying upright while fucking doggie-style – and then tell us how easy it is!

9) ON A ROOFTOP – Put on your own Theatre Under the Stars performance and bask in the glory of the pale moonlight. PS – wear kneepads. That gravel will tear you up. Or so we’ve heard.

10) IN A DARK ALLEY – Thanks to generations of hookers, crack smokers, and gayborhood boys who demand anonymity, the back alley has become an American instutution.