Straight Men, Gay Sex

    If Katy Perry can score an international hit singing about female same-sex experimentation, why is it still so taboo for men to explore the same kinds of thoughts and feelings? Rigid ideas about masculinity are gradually beginning to evolve, but change won’t come fast enough to save countless men from continuing to agonize over something as simple as a healthy and normal sexual curiosity.
    As if there weren’t enough other potential childhood traumas, many Americans still insist on warping the psyches of their children by instilling in them moral and behavioral dogma that runs counter to natural, harmless instincts. Although – to be fair – we do actually owe such folks some thanks. After all, if the world’s prudes and hypocrites didn’t pepper our culture so thoroughly with taboos and prohibitions, it wouldn’t be nearly as exciting to be break them.
    If you’ve never really considered that straight men might engage in gay sexual activities, it might be natural to wonder if this topic is really important enough to bear much consideration or discussion. In addition, many people – including quite a few gays and lesbians – fervently believe that it’s simply not possible to be hetereosexual if you engage in homosexual sex. To them, repeatedly seeking out gay sex means you’re gay. It seems like it’s just common sense – so if you do, you must either be in denial or stuck in the closet. With those as the only two options placed on the table, it should come as little surprise that most SMSM (Straight Men who have Sex with Men) prefer to keep this aspect of their lives on the downlow.
    A recent study on SMSM done in NYC made waves around the globe when it found that 1 in every 10 men who said they were straight were having sex exclusively with other men. And no, that’s not a typo.
    In 2003, Dr. Preeti Pathela of the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and her team became intrigued by the fact that almost every study on sexual behavior had shown that the percentage of men having sex with other men was higher than the percentage of men who reported being gay. To explore this, they designed a study and then interviewed 4,200 New York City men. To ensure an accurate sample, they conducted the interviews in English, Spanish, Chinese, Russian, Greek, Korean, Yiddish, Polish, and even Haitian Creole. Besides the surprising finding that 1 in 10 straight men were only having sex with other men, they also noted some clear distinctions between SMSM and gay men. During the previous year, SMSM reported fewer sex partners and fewer STD’s – and they were more likely to be foreign born than gay men. On a more disturbing note, they were also less likely to have used a condom during their last sexual encounter. That fact alone instantly turns this into an important topic, since SMSM are apparently a large subset of all men who are not being effectively educated about sexual risks and HIV prevention. Another startling discovery was that SMSM were much more likely to be married than straight men who only had sex with women. 54% of straight men having sex exclusively with women were married, whereas 70% of SMSM reported being involved in heterosexual marriages.
    A leading expert in this area of study who has written extensively in journals, books, and on the Internet is licensed therapist and author Joe Kort. His main site contains a wealth of information on a variety of topics. You’ll find dozens of excellent articles covering topics such as addiction, body image, coming out, depression, “ex-gays”, gay affirmative psychotherpay, gay and lesbian parenting, gays in the workplace, homophobia, relationships, sexuality, and more. Some of these articles should be required reading for all gay couples, such as The Love Drug, Internet Porn: Is It Cheating?, Sex-Starved Gay Male Couples: The Untold Secret, and  What Is Your Response – Ability in Communication?. Two pieces of special interest to SMSM are Straight Men Who Have Sex With Men and Are You What You Orgasm?. In addition to his more general site, Joe Kort also maintains a blog dedicated to SMSM called Straight Guise. The first thing you’ll see when you arrive is a simple statement – one that all young men should be taught concerning potential homosexual thoughts or curiosity: It’s not a gay thing, it’s a guy thing. Kort states that his blog is about “the many reasons men engage in sexual contact with other men that are not about a homosexual identity.” He then goes on to explain that there is a significant difference between sexual identity, sexual behavior, and sexual fantasy. In the course of his work as a gay psychotherapist, Kort has helped thousands of questioning men and has seen first hand that the phenomenon of SMSM crosses all ethnic and cultural boundaries.
    To help his clients, Kort first helps them to understand that in addition to gay men and bisexual men, there is another group: heterosexual men who seek out sex with other men. At Straight Guise, you’ll find a list of twenty different reasons that straight men may engage in sexual activities with other men. They range from sexual abuse and father hunger to high sex drive, sexual addiction, hazings, and sex for money. Each of these warrants a whole discussion of its own, and Kord has links leading to articles or other resources for over half of them.
    For a different take on the topic of why straight men may have fantasies or desires that involve other men, check out A. Patcher’s article on JackinWorld called Those Fantasies: Why Straight Men Sometimes Fantasize About Other Males.       
    Another study done just last year in the UK by sociologist Dr. Eric Anderson found that more than one-third of surveyed American High School football players had engaged in sexual activities with other men (from kissing and mutual masturbation to giving and receiving blowjobs.) These studies and the current metrosexual trend among younger Americans have helped to inspire articles about SMSM in major publications such as NY Mag, LA Weekly, and Web MD.
    For those of you reading this who are gay, you may react like one of my coworkers did when I asked them, “If a straight male friend confessed to you that he’d been having gay fantasies, what would you do?” Their answer: “Him.” For reasons which are hard to spell out, many gay men have a definite fetish for straight men who occasionally wade into Gay Streams. But be warned: down that road lies despair (sometimes.) If you end up falling for someone who is confused about their sexuality, you run the risk of getting hurt. If it’s strictly an idea that turns you on, why not explore it first in a less serious way? Online sites like Bait Bus, Watch Him Fuck, and Broke Straight Boys all cater to different aspects of straight men having gay sex. Whereas BaitBus tempts horny straight guys into getting sucked off by gay guys in the heat of the moment, Watch Him Fuck lets you be a fly on the wall as gay men get serviced by or fuck women. There are even occasional three-ways with another guy. Broke Straight Boys, on the other hand, is about going “gay for pay.” The boys here just need money – and they’ll do almost anything to get it. As the genre has grown in popularity, sites like Straight Guys for Gay Eyes, have arisen. This site creates porn with straight guys fucking women (usually) but it’s all created with gay men in mind. So the camera is almost always on the guy, whereas straight porn tends to focus on the girls. In a similar vein, Cody Cummings is a wildly popular straight performer who’s success is largely due to a loyal gay following. Sites like Jake Cruise, and Cocksure Men also feature a lot of straight guys, although on these sites they are more often serviced by gay guys.
    Besides member sites, there’s also the even more convenient option of video on demand. At AEBN you’ll find an enormous selection of straight-for-gay titles. Some of the stand outs include Straight Guys For Gay Eyes: Tony Capucci, Watch Him Fuck 4, Straight Boys Fucking 2, and As Amateur As It Gets…And Then Some.
    If there’s one thing you should take from this discussion, it’s the idea that it’s okay to be curious and to experiment. Exploration can’t alter your core identity. Just remind yourself: Men may dive down into the ocean, but that doesn’t make them into fish. They’re simply curious to discover what’s down there. Likewise, no matter how many times you may go down (ahem), it can’t change your core identity. And if you’re confused about what that core identity is, some field research may be just the thing to bring you some clarity.