Tap Foot for BJ: Anonymous Embraces in Public Spaces

Guest writer Troy Tolley takes a candid look at gay cruising and public sex.

Sex is easier to get than food. That’s what I told my straight best friend one day when she noticed that I’d “gone missing” for a while on the Upper West Side of Manhattan near Central Park. The truth was that I had just had an unexpected sexual encounter with a sexy muscle boy – in the restroom of a local coffee shop. When I finally returned, flushed and out of breath, I claimed that I had gone to get us some coffee.

“Where’s my coffee, then?” she asked.

“Ummm…” was all I could say when I realized that my hands were indeed empty (and still a bit sticky). So I decided to explain.

“It’s like this. If a gay man is starving, he can’t just make a bag of chips materialize. But if he is horny, he can find sex just about anywhere. All he has to do is tap his foot. And while I was gone, my foot got to tapping.”

It’s a familiar tale for many gay men who frequent the tearooms, cottages, and beats of the world (all slang terms for cruisy public restrooms). For hundreds of years, men have been engaging in a form of public sex that utilizes an elegantly silent argot of subtle, non-verbal cues such as eye contact, toe-tapping, and hand signals. And it doesn’t just happen in public restrooms. As you read this, men around the world are getting off on subway platforms, in parking lots, and behind bushes. The telltale mosaic of cum stains that marks the stalls in most cruisy restrooms is like a semen-drenched Jackson Pollack that is usually surrounded by a collage of hastily scrawled rendezvous requests.

I confessed to my friend that many times when she’s had to wait 5 minutes or more for me in a public restroom, I’d been having some hot, exciting sex – and she’d never suspected it. She was enthralled, so after detailing some of the locations and rituals, I tried to impress upon her how easy it all was. She marveled at the idea of such convenient and hassle-free sex, but she was shocked to learn that I’d been weaving my public sexcapades into routine activities such as a run to the grocery store or a jog through the park.

She herself had tried public sex a few times – but always with disastrous results. Her stories were comical and yet sad. I wanted to help her, but the heterosexual world has long seemed committed to drawn-out courtship dances and the sublimation of all true desires. Men and woman lack intimate, co-ed spaces and the straight world seems almost engineered to interfere with the simple task of getting off. And while it’s not actually impossible for a naughty girl to pull up her skirt and get feverishly screwed by a stranger in between the bookcases at a library, it does require a certain moxie. Gay men, however, can get it on just about anywhere and with minimal risk.

It hasn’t always been simply about convenience and the thrill of connecting under college restroom stalls in between classes. In fact, the gay predilection for secretive, impromptu sex has often been spurred on by the need for a sexual sanctuary in a world where homosexuality is still on trial. Public toilets, parks, rest stops, and late-night subway platforms offer easy access for metropolitan, liberated homos – but they also provide anonymity for men who are still in the closet. Even in progressive enclaves like New York and Los Angeles, many men still lead double lives. They may not be out, but they can at least get their dicks sucked at the local department store. For more information, just ask any clergy men or nervous husbands that you see milling around the restroom at Macy’s.

Despite the anonymity, public sex involves significant risks – so it pays to be careful. Both Senator Larry Craig and singer George Michael can tell you a thing or two about those risks, too. Poor Larry didn’t even get to reach beyond the used wad of toilet paper that he’d spotted on the floor between the stalls before he was busted – and he explained that he’d been trying to overcome his constipation by adopting a “wide stance” and a lowered head! Despite his unconvincing explanations, he received one year of probation and a $575 fine. Adorable George Michael took a fairly open and political stand against entrapment after his own restroom scandal, but in the end he had to pay $810 in fines and perform 80 hours of community service. But wait a sec – wasn’t it his desire to perform “public service” that actually started the whole fiasco? Smaller busts don’t make international headlines, but they are no less humiliating – so be smart.

To help combat these entrapment stings, sites like CruisingForSex.com offer a message board where user-generated reports about cruisy spots all over the country are posted on a regular basis with reviews and warnings. These can help to steer you towards great sexual encounters and away from the surveillance cameras, security officers, and creepy trolls. Based on your own experiences, you can also provide anonymous updates to their growing directory of places to get down and dirty – or you can try to jumpstart a brand new location. Just keep telling yourself, “If I build it, they will cum.”

For many gay men, the thrill and convenience of public sex is worth the risk. If you prefer vicarious thrills, Dirty Boy Video has a series of porn clips showcasing public sex dares that involve furtive sexual acts in public spaces such as the NY subway, high-rise office windows, public restrooms, and adult book stores. At xtube.com, users regularly upload self-made video clips and cell phone captures of their own impromptu public jerks, giving you a voyeuristic glimpse into the secret world of shopping malls, university bathrooms, and exhibitionists. Just search for terms like “under stall” and “glory hole” and you’ll find what you’re looking for. Watch and learn!

So remember – the next time you show up empty-handed after returning from some bogus errand (or end up spending way too much time in a public restroom) don’t bother trying to lie your way out of it. Just tell your antsy friend about the awesome sex you were having. They’ll probably be so stunned that they’ll forget about being annoyed.

Troy Tolley is a writer and spiritual counselor living in New York. For more info, visit www.truthloveenergy.com