The ABC’s of BDSM

We’ve all heard the term BDSM, but for many people the BDSM world remains an intimidating mystery. To start with, the BDSM acronym actually stands for three different categories – Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, and Sadism & Masochism. It’s important to know what each one entails because they are very different. BDSM scenes are rarely all of these things at once and most enthusiasts only enjoy certain activities. The world of extreme sex can be anything that you want it to be, and that’s part of the fun.
   
If you’re curious, but not serious enough to try anything with others yet, why not watch some online clips to find out what you might like and what you don’t? AEBN is one of the best places to experiment with fantasies, because they’ve got just about anything you can imagine. In their gay bondage section you’ll find plenty of food for thought!
   
Before you start exploring, though, it would help to understand the three basic categories we just mentioned more clearly.
   
Bondage/Discipline generally involves tying a partner with ropes or other materials, confinement in fetish gear, or even the use of cages and isolation rooms. For most, bondage is about playing out a fantasy, but some people actually feel that they deserve to be punished. The reasons for engaging in B/D can range from kinky sex to unconventional self-therapy. For the ones who are tied, the idea of being punished or humiliated is a turn on, since it involves relinquishing control to the will of another.
   
Domination and Submission, in contrast, is all about the Dom (rather than the one being dominated, as in B/D.) The Dom has complete control in encounters (within pre-set limits). The chemistry happens because Doms like to be in control and submissives like to give up control. It’s a match made in hell!
   
Sadism & Masochism is probably the genre that most mainstream Americans are familiar with. In another synergistic coupling, sadists like to inflict pain and masochists like to have it inflicted upon them. Pain actually causes a release of natural endorphins, so it shouldn’t surprise us too much.
   
One of the most important concerns among BDSM enthusiasts is safety. Everyone must be a willing participant, and there must always be a way out – usually by the use of a safe word – in case a scene ever becomes too intense for anyone. After all, the goal is usually to form long-term, respectful relationships with people so that you can play more than once – and you can’t achieve that by traumatizing or victimizing people. A lot of times, having the bottom pretend like they aren’t willing is part of the fun, so that’s why it’s so important to have a safe word and to respect it.
   
For those new to BDSM and interested in experimenting, there are resources and organizations available in almost every major city. The L.A. Leather-BDSM-Fetish Links page is a treasure trove of info. There’s also the USA BDSM Resource Guide, which is organized by state. There are lots of ways to start out small. For instance, one way to show dominance over another person without any props or elaborate preparations is simply to remain clothed while you disrobe them. When two people start to play with different roles, it can be a real turn on for both if one undresses the other while preventing them from doing the same to them. Being naked in front of clothed people makes most of us feel a little vulnerable, making it ideal for power play.
   
If you’ve checked out the clips at AEBN and you’ve found something that intrigues you, you might want to consider joining a membership site targeted to your interest. At Boy Fetish, you’ll discover a hardcore world of twinks being used in extreme fetish and bondage scenes. It’s the perfect way to combine your love of twinks with your fascination with BDSM. For those who prefer a wider variety of types, there’s Steve’s Dungeon. As San Francisco’s resident Dungeon Master, Steve let’s you observe the goings on at his private dungeon where new slaves eagerly check in week after week. Just this year, Kink brought us the amazing new Bound Gods site. Based at the decommissioned armory in San Fransisco (which they now own) this outfit produces some of the most amazing, larger than life BDSM scenes you can imagine – with impeccable quality and attention to detail. And for those who long for the truly hardcore, there’s Pain Lessons, where cute young boys are taught obedience.
   
If you’re looking for an easy way to get your feet wet and to get used to the fetish world, AEBN and the member sites are an amazing option that we didn’t even have a decade ago. It’s fun, it’s safe, and it lets you become an expert before you ever even set foot in a real world BDSM club.

Contact Maxwell Lash at: [email protected]