Each month, porn star Johnny Hazzard answers reader questions about gay sexuality and relationships. Need advice? Please send questions to johnny@hazzardcentral.com.

If my partner of 10 years can’t satisfy me orally or anally, should I get what I need on the side?
– Alex in Culver City

Was your partner able to satisfy you sexually at any point during your relationship? If so, then you need to speak up. Explain that you’re unsatisfied and ask him if anything is wrong. You are responsible for your own happiness, and after 10 years of being together I doubt he’ll mind if you ask an honest question. If perhaps you're unhappy in general and you're using this as a scapegoat, that's asking for trouble. Again – you need to speak up for yourself or you'll end up feeling resentful and that's no bueno holmes.

Do you think it’s a bad idea to discuss expectations during your first few dates with someone?
– Rich in San Jose

Some of the best counsel I've ever received was that, “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.” I live by those words. In more practical terms, dates are meant to help two people to get acquainted – so take your time and enjoy the process. If you start acting like a controlling bitch with lots of demands and expectations, you'll be setting yourself up (and shutting your man down.) Be patient and allow them to be themselves. You don't want to scare off someone who could turn out to be great.

Why do some guys represent themselves on Grindr with images that are a decade old? Do they think they won't get caught?
– Matt, Grand Rapids

I have no freaking clue. It always amazes me. When guys like that show up, I end up looking  right past them as I search for the hot guy who was just on my phone screen. The bottom line is that they've lied and they’ve wasted your time. Before a face-to-face meeting, I now require that guys take off their clothes and snap a photo as we're chatting. To be doubly safe, try asking them to write something specific on a piece of paper and to hold it up in the photo. If they won't honor such a simple request, they're probably hiding something. Try to be a bit less trusting and don't feel bad about it. If a guy has a nice body, he'll probably enjoy having a chance to show it off.

I’ve been dating a guy that I meant online, but I still see him on Grindr a lot. Should I be worried?
– Karl in Las Vegas

When it comes to sex, most men like to window shop. Try to come to terms with the reality of that, rather than expecting people to change who they are. If you haven't made any promises to one another or negotiated specific ground rules, you have no right to feel territorial. In addition, connected services like Grindr are easy to log into and then forget about. While you think your man is slutting around, he might be walking his dog, driving in traffic, or pushing a cart around Target with his phone still in his pocket. On another note, what are you doing on Grindr yourself?! Try to let it go, or you could end up making everyone (including yourself) unhappy.

Johnny Hazzard lives in Venice, CA., where he is hard at work developing a line of lamps and jewelry. He graduated from Erotic State University at the top of his class.