By Troy Tolley

Sexual surveys consistently rank three-way sex as a top fantasy for both men and women of every sexual preference. The idea may turn you on, it might even intimidate you, but one thing's for sure - it's a complex and powerful desire that just about everyone will ponder at one time or another. If you plan on making a three-way fantasy into a reality, here are some pointers that will help you to get the most from the experience.

One of the basic keys to a rewarding three-way is multi-tasking. Instead of devoting your attention to just one person, make sure to connect with both partners. Use your hands, your legs, your voice - whatever it takes. It's hard to focus on more than one person at a time, but a gentle caress or a well-timed smack on the ass can make all the difference.

If you're a single person joining a couple, you'll probably be the center of attention. This can feel very nice, but playing the object of desire also comes with some responsibilities. As the interlocutor in an existing relationship, you'll be treading a fine line - so it's important to listen for both verbal and non-verbal cues from your partners. A thoughtful third always respects everyone's limits and will also sense when it's time to take a bathroom break so that a nervous couple can check in with each other.

If you're in a couple and bringing home a third, it's important to give as much attention to one another as you do to your guest. This thoughtfulness can stave off the wounded feelings and bickering that often results when someone feels left out or ignored.

Sometimes threesomes are just about sex - but there's no rule that says a long-term relationship can't involve more than two people. The truth is that people have been negotiating unique, alternative arrangements since the dawn of time.

In many ways, triads (long-term, loving, three-way relationships) are an ideal framework. Each person gets twice as many shoulders to cry on and the crippling co-dependence that strangles many couples is far less likely. Sexual boredom is mediated and arguments are easier to contain, too - since there's always a neutral mediator.

Levels of sexual, emotional, and intellectual attraction will vary among the members of a triad, but that's okay. As long as each person in a triad is in love with at least one other partner, you'll have the balance that's needed for a harmonious and stable triad.

Triads offer a lot of benefits, but they also present some unique challenges. They can cause you to undergo personal growth at an accelerated rate, which can sometimes feel scary. It's not always easy - but it can definitely be worthwhile.

In a triad, each person will always take one of three alternating positions in every situation — Positive, Negative, or Neutral. Each person will take on a different stance from moment to moment, but one person will always be in a position of initiation and encouragement, taking a "pro" stance; another person will always be in a position of questioning and caution, taking an "anti" stance; and the third person will always be in a position to bring balance, resolution, and peace. Some people may tend to constantly gravitate towards one position, but this tendency can shift as circumstances change and people grow. If you make it a point to always understand what position you are currently occupying, it will help you to act wisely and will ultimately contribute to the triad's longevity. If all three people can learn to move fluidly between the different positions, it will deepen the compassion, empathy, and trust that they share. The triad's ever-changing, self-balancing system of Positive, Negative, and Neutral is one of life's basic formulas for personal evolution.

Whether a three-way encounter will be long-term or fleeting, the ideal participant is always someone who enjoys giving. A selfish attitude can be hot in bed, one-on-one - but in a three-way context it can easily lead to misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. If everyone focuses on giving, however, the stage is set for success.

Before embarking on any three-way, you should first consider your own motives. If you're trying to mask problems with a partner or to escape from an unhappy relationship, a three-way is apt to backfire and exacerbate those issues, but if you're single or in a healthy couple, a three-way can be a great way to broaden your horizons.

If you want to start out slow by simply watching some three-way porn, you'll find the most sizzling examples at Randy Blue, College Dudes 24/7, and Jake Cruise. You won't want to miss the uninhibited clips of Alex, Reese, and Chris (pictured above) from Randy Blue. These three are all site regulars and many of their three-way encounters are archived online.

If you want to find local guys for a real three-way, you can arrange it online at GCruise. Skittish couples at nightclubs may give you mixed messages, but the guys at GCruise know exactly what they're looking for.

The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping With Three by Vicki Vantoch is one of the best guides to three-way sex and relationships. It's a comprehensive and thoughtful primer and the author's cunning humor makes for an entertaining read.

Troy Tolley is a writer and spiritual counselor living in New York. For more information, visit his website at www.truthloveenergy.com

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